Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Away They Go

It’s Tuesday morning, and I’m missing her. So I took my guitar and tried to strum a few chords blindly. Somehow, a melancholic melody ringed in my head. So I took my pick and tried to find the chords. There, a new song for my girl. Of course, it was only for her to hear, and I won’t let the band play it. At least I believe that she won’t laugh at me if my voice is terrible. Haven’t figured out the lyrics yet, but this time I’ll try to write in Malay. Well, you won’t know if you don’t try right? I was currently listening to The Times, so I think this song is much influenced by their music. Never mind. Sometimes, I think I should try to put away all those addictive distractions and try to be closer to myself. I’m not saying that I’m not myself; just that I really wanted to see how it will be if I try to avoid them. Let get through the list again, for I’m trying not to be so impervious. First on the list, it is my phone. Once it gets to my phone, it got to messages. Once it gets to messages, it got to her. Once it got to her, it’ll never stop. So tomorrow, I will not be waking up looking at my phone for her picture, for I’m turning it off tonight. To hell with the alarm clock, I’ll wake up whenever I want to. The next thing is my guitar. This time there’ll be no more mercy for you my dear. I’m putting you back into the gig bag and throw you deep under my bed. That’s your punishment for now. All right. The third item, oh, my laptop of course. After this, I’m packing you back into my bag and putting you away for as long as I could. Well, I just wanted to see how long I’ll be able to cope up without you guys in my life. What else? As a matter of fact, I couldn’t think of anything else right now. There’s nothing I could do about my Altec Lansing subwoofer, but at least it could take some rest with my laptop and phone unavailable. People, guess what. I think I’m going crazy. I think I have lost my faith and optimism. Sometimes, I was just thinking to quit from being a regular nice guy. But am I not bad enough? Remember, nice guy finish last. So I don’t think I’ll be that nice guy anymore. For I no longer wanted to finish last. I no longer want to be someone who will do anything for you, for the sake of good behavior and morality, for the sake of love, for the sake of friendship, for the sake of any bull shit that would come in your mind right now. I just want to be normal. To live a life likes anyone else. To have worries that should be worried by me, and not others. To lead a life as I used to have a few months ago. I missed the old me. I used to hate myself back then, but I miss the person who used to hate himself instead of this hopeless narcissist. Last words from me, selamat pagi gadis.

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