Friday, March 20, 2009

A Glance to the Past...

Just perused my old, unpublished posts.. So now here it is, for those who were unable to read it previously.. For your information, it had been published in my Friendster's blog. Quite long, so please bear with me..
My result it not so good. To be honest, it was bad. No, it's worst. I hate myself. I hate my life. She texted me last night. Asking me to forgive her. Now she knows. Now she understands. Now I realized. It's all craps. Mere craps. Distracting craps. Again, she needs me to decide. I hate making decisions. So I stayed silent. Why would she cares?
17 February 2008
Day By Day, And The Life Goes On…

It was the way it meant to be. Two things I’ll be writing about today. First, the lifetime awaited SPM results. Second, my wonderful, so-close-to-perfect girlfriend. Talking about the result was just killing me. Stop talking about my target, or anything such. Just shut the f**k up. I’m so damned tired with people who was giving too much hope (as well as pressure, I can say) on me. It’s not easy to carry the weight of the world in your shoulder right? The 0607 will get the first national ranking, no doubt about that, but everybody must do their part in order to achieve that. I’ve done mine. Now, talking about my inspiration to survive. I love to describe her as one adorable, compassionate, funny, and the best of all, she had sincere interest in myself. She only had one unfortunate quality: every time we went out, she insisted to foot the bill. I make more money than I know what to do with. I should be paying. I gave her a RM5 credit for her prepaid, and she started her sulking and pouting for that (actually, I love it when she does that; she was at most cute that time). I’m not describing her other behaviour, for I know that she was reading this (for sure). And lastly, sorry honey, I just missed you TOO much. That was my fault. Till then, around and again. (^_^) (-_-)

1 March 2008
Who Cares When No One Cares?

The annoying pimple on my nose is gone. I feel a few tonnes of shame and humiliation lifted from my face. Not to be metrosexual, but having it just makes me sick. Some of my colleagues say that the result will be out on the 28th of February, but it was nothing more than just a wicked rumour. Some sense of anxiety and paranoia somehow existed in me. What if I failed to get the best? What if I waste their hopes? What if I fall too far that I could never rise again? Haha... so many ‘what if’ running circles in my head. One more thing, before I forgot to scrawl this down, is my very-very-very sincere apology to those out there who could have been hurt by my offensive words. Sometimes, when the mood is not so good, I would just spit those dirty words on anyone I want. Yes, I will learn to behave from time to time. Sometimes back, I still feel the guilt but there is nothing I could do about it. Enough for that part, now back to the main thing. I just finished reading the ‘American Gods’ by Neil Gaiman, and I think it was so damned good. Just look at the first chapter, and you will find yourself stick to it until the last page. Better than Dan Brown’s, I dare say. The next thing is why doesn’t anybody called me on Tagged? Well, I guess it was not as happening as My Space or Friendster. I think it just true, who cares when nobody cares? Farewell, friends. Thanks for reading. Enjoy! (^_^) (-_-)

Monday, 03 March 2008
How Tempting Saved Me from Boredom…

It was 12:47:14 AM and I was still here. Holiday’s over and tomorrow demands me to serve the industries, again. Why not? At least I know that I won’t be so damned bored at home and gain nothing but weight. It’s good to make some money, you know. Last night, the deputy prime minister was here. For what? The election, of course! When I rode my bike, along with the massive convoy of Pemuda BN bikers, I was thinking about a very suitable motto for them. It is “Rempit Rakyat Untuk Negara”. Good, huh? I couldn’t say much, I’m just 18. Maybe the next election I will be ready to do my voting part. I can’t wait! Check out my new uploaded photos, when Dato’ Hishamuddin came to my school for an event. What’s the big deal? I just don’t get it. My biggest honor to Tun Abdul Razak, the founding father of FELDA. I will do anything to pay him back for all that I have now. Sorry because I just scribbling too much about politics this time. It’s hard time to socialize right now. Everybody was having the electoral fever. The topic is too boring this time, so please leave me a comment. Anything you want me to talk about? Just bring it on, be my guest. It’s my opinion. Yours is yours. Clear. Till then, have a good life. Enjoy! (^_^) (-_-)

Friday, 04 April 2008
Been Busy Lately…

Haven’t written anything after my SPM examination result came out. Don’t worry; I was still alive and kicking. The result? One word to describe. Unexpected. Listen; when you got only 7A’s in your trial and NEVER get an A for your Additional Mathematics subject, what do you expect for your SPM? With such result, you know, I got to be busy, running here and there, filling forms and anything I could fill, so I couldn’t spend some time writing my blog. For that, my sincere apology. I had just gone to the interview for overseas programme by JPA (PILN 2008) and once again, everything went just in place. At least I could go out of the room with a big grin of satisfaction. Now, it all depends on my luck. Pursuing Biotechnology in a modern country like Canada, the States and UK could be quite exhausting. Just wait for the result in the midst of May. Till then, I will enjoy my life as I could. By the way, good luck to my friends; Fareha, Alif, Fauzi and anyone else who applied the MARA scholarship and offered the interview. Pray a lot, because it all depends on you. This week, I was a little bit emotional. One quite a f**king week. I quit my job last Monday, I went to the interview, and the most unpleasant one is she’s leaving to further her study. My mother told me to write my blog in Malay, so that people will be more interested to read it. But then, I will have more trouble describing things. I don’t know why, but writing in English makes me feel more comfortable. I was also thinking of writing my blog in Bloggers so that more people will read it. Friendster is not a suitable platform to establish my blogging empires, because people are more interested in social networking. Anyway, watch out for my first blog in Bloggers. Thanks for reading. Hail. (^_^) (-_-)

Sunday, 13 April 2008
Shut Up. Just Read This Entry…

Online, again. My apologize for rarely updated my blog. I have just started my blog in It was First on Friendster, and all I got is s**t. Nobody ever respond to any of my writings. I even wonder if they ever read them. Second, it’s Tagged. They call it JOURNAL, but people won’t read them anyway. Now, I have switched to this website. I really hope that I could really write to a living person, in fact, a person who really cares. So, please read my LIFE and drop a comment. Who knows, maybe there is something that we have in common or you got something else to add; or maybe to share with me. It won’t be a burden for me to respond. If you are ALIVE and CARE, please do drop a comment.
Now, I will write about my JPA interview the last 3rd of April. It was really an unforgettable, once in a lifetime experience. The night before the big day, I was really excited. The first thing in the next morning, I double checked my files and documents. Quite hectic, because I was the type of doing vital tasks at the eleventh hour. Only with a cup of milk and nothing else as my breakfast, my father takes only about 30 minutes to take us to the Wisma Belia Kuantan. I was informed that the interview will start at 8 o’clock, and I was very lucky to arrived at 7 fifty-five. Once I confirmed my attendance, I found my name was at the top of the list. God, once again I have to be the lucky number one? Fortunately, the interview will be conducted in group.
While waiting for the interview to start, I’ve talked to the only Malay male that I got in sight. Guess what, he was from the STAR. It’s not the small shiny thing in the sky that you see at night; it’s an acronym for Sekolah Tunku Abdul Rahman. Yes, you know that SBP’s student do have some connection, no matter how different we are. He saw my ‘ASiS’ tie clip, and with a big grin, pointed to his STAR tie clip. Here is the pathetic story of his. Brief , but still pathetic. He was supposed to undergo the interview back in the 1st of April. However, he didn’t have the idea that the result of the candidates who will attend the interview will be out in the internet. You apply for scholarship online, and then expecting for the offer to come straight to your door. Where is your effort, pal? You make me sick. Anyway, good luck. Done with the story.
The old woman with a name tag called me. Here it is. She gives me a number, and it was a big, solid ‘1’. I counted all of my team, and it was all seven. I got 3 boys and 4 girls. From the 3 boys, I was the only Malay. One of them was a Chinese and the other was Indian. From the 4 girls, there is only one Chinese, while the other was Malay. As I noticed, there is only a few Malay boys who attended the interview the day. Where did they gone to? Got an illegal race in the estate? Or maybe doing some wicked daily errand in the bathroom? I’m sorry if I sound rude, but you all really a shame to the nation (this is not referred to all Malay boys, just those who think they are). Done. (^_^) (-_-)

Friday, 25 April 2008
Between The Devil and the Sea…

I’ve been offered a position in the Melaka Matriculation College in Londang. Once again, I will be placed in a secured position under the governance of the Ministry of Education Malaysia. I hate to say this, but I really have to reject the offer. The result for the UPU will be out on the 3rd of May. I have a very big hope on the university foundation programme. My first option is the foundation of agricultural science in UPM, Serdang. Why? Because I know that I will be near with my girlfriend, as she was studying in Subang. Worst or better, if I was offered the PILN from JPA, I will have to be very far from her. My girl is expected to become a very dedicated nurse, so I have to be a very committed doctor. LOLOL…. She won’t be sorry if she waited for me for 5 years when I went overseas. It’s not a long time, right honey? Hehehe… So now, it is either I was near her (the UPM Serdang) or far, far away, halfway around the world from her (The PILN from JPA), everything depends on the UPU result and the PILN offer. She sent me the photograph of her in a nurse uniform, and guess what, she was so damned cute. She said that she saw my face everytime she looked up, but I saw her face everytime I closed my eyes. I’m sure that she has been reading this, and I hope that she won’t be mad at me for taking her photos to public. It’s like between the devil and the sea. But it won’t be a thing, because we built our relationship on faith and trust. God will take a very good care of her for me, for certain. Until next time, thanks for reading. (^_^) (-_-)

Sunday, 11 May 2008
To Fly or Not To Fly…

As a matter of fact, that is not a question. It is more to an unpredictable option. Some of my friends in ASiS, in SESERI and even from SAMURA were offered the position in the overseas programs by both MARA and JPA. Well, it’s a torment for me to wait for the PILN 2008 result to come out. Why does it take so long? For the UPU result, I was offered the Asasi Sains Pertanian at UPM Serdang. Well, looks like I have to learn how to plant a tree. The best thing is, Muizz Ahmad Khir will also take the same course. At least I will have some old friend there. To Iskandar Najmuddin, do you think I really want to be in Serdang? Sorry, my friend. I just need to go there to study. Stop boasting to me about your hometown or I will do something nasty. What? Use your imagination. Thing number two. I met some old friends when I go around my Felda, and heard some sad news about my primary school friends. While I got an excellent result for my SPM, some of my old friends were having their future crushed by their own bare hands. I don’t see these things as funny, but I feel so sad as my responsibility to guide them is not enough. I would like to bring out an example, my friend ‘F’. He was not known as a bright student back in SK (LKTP) Panching Selatan, but I never thought that he resisted changing. He failed in his Bahasa Melayu paper in SPM, and as we know, he failed in his exam. The study was useless. The future is still there, but he knows, and we all know what to expect from him in the distant future. Now, he was working as the plantation manager in the Felda plantation. That is one story, but here’s another agony for me to feel. My other friend, let’s call him ‘K’, didn’t even takes his PMR examination. He quit about a few month before the PMR examination. Where is the value of education in all of them? Pathetic, very pathetic. He was a friend of mine who used to play together and share our stories during my childhood. And now he had joined the national divisions of school dropouts. Congratulations. All right, enough for that sad story of my pals. Now I want to talk about my girl with a ‘Q’. To everyone who against love during studies, you are right. Without a girlfriend, or boyfriend, you will live more independent. And allow me to remind you about one thing, once you fall, you will never ever be able to stand up again, without hurting yourself. Think about it. Here was something for you to laugh or mad about, a Nigerian student in my girlfriend college fall in love with her. Damned. I don’t know either to be jealous or angry. This is a very special case. But I have the trust in her, for I know that I own her heart entirely. So there is nothing to worry about. Just keep your faith in your heart, never miss your prayers, and keep your hair out of sight. I could accept my girlfriend to be fat, and dark, but I could never tolerate if she wears something revealing, or have her hair dyed yellow, or red, or green, or anything in particular. Remember that, honey. Take a very good care of that internal organ. Your heart. Lastly, say no to committing suicide. Till next time, thanks for reading. (^_^) (-_-)

Wednesday, 04 June 2008
Off to the States, With My Heart Left in Malaysia…

13,000++ applied online. 7,000++ offered the interview. 2000 succeeded. 1,100 a Bumiputra. One of them is ME. Funny to think about how I could get this far. An American Degree Foundation Programme (ADFP) at INTEC, UiTM, and a long 48 months of first degree in the US. The good news is, I will have a very bright future and an assured, fixed position to serve the Government, and the bad news is, I try to make it as untypical as I can; I have to leave my family and my beloved back in Malaysia. I guess it will not be that easy for me. The main point here, and the one and only thing that I worried the most, is my girlfriend. This might sound funny, but could she wait for me for 4 years until the glorious day when I came back from the US? Damn. It’s not a few months only, and the distance is not just a few miles away. Everybody knows that if I loved her just as how much I had told her before, I must have been by her side everytime she needs me. To be the shoulder for her to cry on, the person who will be with her through thick and thin, and always there for her to do what couples did. I hope she will wait for me. I really hope she did. Huhuhuhu….

That's all, I guess. My writing a year ago... When my English is still not so good... I was talking a little too much on my girl, back then. If, and only if she could understand...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

~Just a Comic~

(Adapted from Hujan's Sedih)
This is some comic that I made for our Critical Thinking presentation...

Mukasurat satu
Mukasurat dua
Mukasurat tiga
mukasurat empat
mukasurAT lima
mukasurat enam

Ni plak gosip2 kt kelas aku...
It's good to have a girlfriend... (e.g. W** and N*** in Eugene...)
It's even better to have TWO girlfriends... (e.g. A***, S**** and L***...)
It's the best to just play games and enjoy yourself...
(e.g. AKU!!!!!!!!)

Friday, March 6, 2009

Sorry, but I have to REFUSE...

I know I should not be posting anything personal here.
But who cares?
To those who don't know anything, please shut the fuck up.
To those who know even a little about this, please shut the fuck up.
I was so damned miserable right now. She say she hates me. I hates myself even more.
Why did she wants it? Cause she mentioned it again.
She wanted it, but still, I refuse. Listen, dear. I will never let you go.
Even if you're demanding it.
She don't have faith in me  anymore. What's the use of a relationship without trust?
We've been together for so long, and whenever someone asked me how I could keep up this relationship for so long, I will just answer; it's all about trust.
But she don't trust me anymore.
Am I the one to blame? Am I???????
If she was reading this, I want her to know.
I was ashamed to my friends. If I was not loyal to you, I will never tell my friends about this girl who I cared about so much. But I boasted about you and our lengthy relationship to my friends. I even remember my previous lecturer, Ms. Azima being amazed when I mentioned how long we're holding on. She congratulate me. And now you wants a break up, and I feel like a fool. An IDIOT. Last night, when I went out with some friends, they asked me about you. All I can do is just smile. "Jaket ni awek ko je yg boleh pakai kn Syahmi?" My ears buzzed. My head was about to blow. I stay silent and walked away. 
The girl once I boasted now letting me down.
THANKS, dear, for wasting my last 6 years for you. It's my own mistake. For being too devoted to you. For being a fanatic to this girl who finally tell me how much she HATED me. Why can't you just believe me? If I'm telling you I'm busy, then I am! A couple should not always be calling each other all the time, don't you understand? I have my list of priorities, and you know what's my priorities! You should respect and understand my own responsibilities. If even now you have made it this way, I can't imagine how we can live together. No, I won't throw your pictures away. It will stay in my wallet besides my picture. It will stay in my Twilight as a bookmark. It will stay as my laptop wallpaper. It will remain as my phone's screensaver. It will still be my User Photo. It will stay in my Friendster album. I will still call you my numero uno. I will still mentions you as my significant others. I will still post your pictures in my blog. 
Even if you hates me.
Even if you say it's over.
I won't allow it. 
I'll never let you go.
I've told you this before, and I want to say it again.
Nor death do us apart.
Nor DEATH do us apart.

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