Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Away They Go

It’s Tuesday morning, and I’m missing her. So I took my guitar and tried to strum a few chords blindly. Somehow, a melancholic melody ringed in my head. So I took my pick and tried to find the chords. There, a new song for my girl. Of course, it was only for her to hear, and I won’t let the band play it. At least I believe that she won’t laugh at me if my voice is terrible. Haven’t figured out the lyrics yet, but this time I’ll try to write in Malay. Well, you won’t know if you don’t try right? I was currently listening to The Times, so I think this song is much influenced by their music. Never mind. Sometimes, I think I should try to put away all those addictive distractions and try to be closer to myself. I’m not saying that I’m not myself; just that I really wanted to see how it will be if I try to avoid them. Let get through the list again, for I’m trying not to be so impervious. First on the list, it is my phone. Once it gets to my phone, it got to messages. Once it gets to messages, it got to her. Once it got to her, it’ll never stop. So tomorrow, I will not be waking up looking at my phone for her picture, for I’m turning it off tonight. To hell with the alarm clock, I’ll wake up whenever I want to. The next thing is my guitar. This time there’ll be no more mercy for you my dear. I’m putting you back into the gig bag and throw you deep under my bed. That’s your punishment for now. All right. The third item, oh, my laptop of course. After this, I’m packing you back into my bag and putting you away for as long as I could. Well, I just wanted to see how long I’ll be able to cope up without you guys in my life. What else? As a matter of fact, I couldn’t think of anything else right now. There’s nothing I could do about my Altec Lansing subwoofer, but at least it could take some rest with my laptop and phone unavailable. People, guess what. I think I’m going crazy. I think I have lost my faith and optimism. Sometimes, I was just thinking to quit from being a regular nice guy. But am I not bad enough? Remember, nice guy finish last. So I don’t think I’ll be that nice guy anymore. For I no longer wanted to finish last. I no longer want to be someone who will do anything for you, for the sake of good behavior and morality, for the sake of love, for the sake of friendship, for the sake of any bull shit that would come in your mind right now. I just want to be normal. To live a life likes anyone else. To have worries that should be worried by me, and not others. To lead a life as I used to have a few months ago. I missed the old me. I used to hate myself back then, but I miss the person who used to hate himself instead of this hopeless narcissist. Last words from me, selamat pagi gadis.

Life, As It Is

Waking up from a terrific dream this morning, I grabbed my laptop and started writing. By the way, my dream was really weird last night. I met her, and she said ‘I have a skateboarding tournament this coming Saturday. Will you be there?’ Then I replied, ‘Of course, I will.’ She added, ‘but this Saturday is the KL Indie Fest, you have been looking forward for that event for months!’ ‘It’s really nothing. I’ll let go anything for you, you know’. Haha. I know, I smiled once I woke up. Just like she’s really going for a skateboarding tournament this coming Saturday. Well, that’s what will happen when you sum up a concert with your girlfriend. Thank God it was just a dream. Yesterday, my little brother, together with my cousin flooded the whole house. They blocked the hole in the main bathroom and turned almost the whole house into a shallow swimming pool. It sounds crazy, isn’t it? He ruined everything in the house. The basket full of dried laundry was all wet again because of him. The water flowed right from the bathroom, out from the master bedroom and into the living room, straight to the balcony and outside of the house. Our carpet was all wet and the mat was spoiled. Once my mother came home from her English class, she was totally outraged by the view of her house. I was in my room when it all happened, so I didn’t notice what those little rascals were doing. Guess what happen next? Of course I was the one who were to be blamed. It’s not the first time that I got blamed from my brothers’ fault. It was nothing to me though. I was the eldest of all and for that; my commitment should be a lot more than everyone else. I’m getting used to it. Well, the flooding does give us a lot of work to do. But at least we could now mop our tiles, which we only do once a year. As a matter of fact, the tiles did look a lot shinier when it was dried! Well, life, as it is…

It’s Karma

Just finished watching ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’, and I thought it was full of lesson for me. Sometimes, love can be a very deceiving thing. You may say what you don’t mean, and you may mean what you don’t even say. Just for some people, we could see it even if we don’t say it. It shows. It really does. In this kind of mood, I put on those tracks by Lisa’s Diary and Kluk Kluk Adventure. Some jazz by Estrella could also ease my feeling a little bit. Yes, I couldn’t get over her yet. But I’m trying so damn hard for that. She also can’t get over him yet. There’s no need for her to say anything about that will make me notice it. Like she had once mentioned, yes, we were both hypocrites, if I understand her point. I tried everything I could to forget her. But once I got home, my families just couldn’t stop talking about my ex. Here’s my mother’s advice about her, ‘women are sensitive. They will always need your attention. If you can’t afford to take care of one, don’t pledge your commitment.’ Then I said, ‘sometimes I feel like it was my entire fault after all’. My mother continued, ‘just go on with your life. You will meet different person, and from them you will learn’. Then there’s one of my best friends, said to me, ‘Why can’t you treat her like you treat your ex?’ I replied, ‘Like what? I’m just doing fine’. Seriously, I just can’t understand this buddy. She added, ‘You know, ask her out. No one else but the two of you. Like what you did with your ex, go to Times Square. Talk for hours at Heartz Chicken. Stroll all the way to Pavillion. Share some cheese cake. Tease each other. Somehow, you were no longer able think about all that didn’t you?’ I remained silent, losing ideas, before I continued, ‘But you know, I take about three years before being able to ask my ex out. It was not easy for me’. She then stared at me in disbelief and just said that I’m pathetic. Yeah, right. I’m pathetic. You see, I’m not taking my girl to my jamming session, or to my first public performance, or to a crowded metal core gig, or even a free rock concert. That’s how I showed her how much I cared about her. She might not see it, but it was there. If there’s a problem in that, I might as well deal with it myself. My ex was simple. I understand her inside out. But this one is not. It was like a Dan Brown’s novel. Like a hidden code by Da Vinci needed to be cracked, like a fragile crypto, which you were likely to destroy the precious hidden information if you tried to open it without proper codes. A new riddle every day. She’s totally different from anyone I had ever met in my life. She’s one in a million. I don’t know under what spell she had put me under but believe me, it worked extremely well. Just sometimes, she become just like Jenny. Unlike my ex, we were both extremely different. I don’t know what will happen if she met my family. I really don’t know what will happen if I met her family either. We both lead a different life, extremely different backgrounds, raised in extremely different ways and even now, a different taste of music and interest. At least we shared something which we have in common. Our belief in the relationship. It’s karma.
P/s: somehow I was using a lot of ‘extremely’. Please excuse me.

The Garbage Collector

Yes, that is what my mother called me just now. Guess why? You must know the reason. I was a very sentimental person (or I may say myself, as perception of others might as well differ) and I kept everything that means to me. My mother says that I inherited this habit from my father, which I thought to be extremely true. There is one case back then, about two years ago (if my memory serves me right) when I gave some old newspaper that my father kept under the bed to my uncle, who needed them in his workshop. By the time he comes home, he was totally outraged by my act. After a few lectures, he started his motorcycles and ride straight to the workshop. It was then come into my account that the newspapers were about agricultural development, R and D, the biotechnological advancement and about breeding new generation of livestock. It was his major interest, I might say. My father could be depicted as one character in the video game ‘Harvest Moon’, minus the swords and the monsters they created in the NDS version. Oh, back to my story. I used to keep all those so-called ‘garbage’ for a few years, until my mother discovered them and used her veto authority to throw them away. The latest one is my wallet, given by my ex girlfriend during my 18th birthday last year. The Polo wallet was already broken, inside out, and there’s no way to keep using it without having me risking my bank cards and important name cards being dropped all along the way. My father offered me his Larrie wallet, which I had given him last year for Hari Raya, and I can’t help but to accept that. It was a shame for me, but still I have to accept. This time I have tried to put away my ego and just be as truthful as possible. So that’s me. I collect garbage. I admit it, I was a sentimental person. One of my collections was a receipt from the Secret Recipe Times Square, which is the first and the last time I shared a New York Cheese Cake with my ex. Another one is the RapidKL bus ticket that I used during the first time I go out with my girlfriend. The next thing is an official sim card of Nokia N-Gage, my first phone that I got after PMR. It (the phone) was stolen when I was at the hostel when I was in form 4. What else… Let me see my collection… Oh, you should like this one. It was my first reload card, with the picture of Siti Nurhaliza. It was about four years ago, if I was not mistaken. Well, that’s all I could mention, for everything else is far too personal. But believe me, you will be amazed by those collection of my once you’ve seen it for yourself. By the way, my mother might call it all as ‘garbage’, but I valued those things as a very precious memory, inscribed in physical. I was currently making an archive of my phone messages which will indicate how my life flows for another few years. I’m one sentimental person, and I’m proud of it.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

3 days on mount olympus.

Now it's time for me to write in the most scholarly manner, as I had been writing 'informally' for quite a few posts.

Friday - The ALM Grand Dinner at Grand Bluewave Hotel.
This is the most awaited event for us. Not that we are those ALM 8 students who were about to leave Malaysia, but we have been practicing quiet a lot for this event. Those guys from ALM have invited 'Undecided' to play on their big night, and we were very much pleased and intrigued by the offer. So I may say, we have been practicing time and time again, going jamming as much as twice a week, as well as the regular session at Cendana. This time the practicing session was made easy, for our equipment is finally enough. We got two electric guitar and a bass. So what we're lacking was just a drumset and a mic. That all could wait, I guess. We were scheduled to play only three songs that night, but we get to play five songs instead of three. So we played the scheduled 'Perfect Situation - Weezer', 'Baby, I'm Yours - Arctic Monkey' and 'All the Small Things - Blink 182'. By popular request, we played another two songs, 'Creep - Radiohead' and 'Like a Stone - Audioslave'.
I haven't go to the ADFP Dinner, but I guess, if the ADFP Dinner is as good as the ALM Dinner, I will attend it even if it cost me RM75. Oh, yet to be mentioned, those guys from ALM rented the drumset and the amplifiers for us to play for about RM500. So I salute you guys, the organizers from ALM. Counting up all the cost of inviting us, RM75 x 6 persons + RM500 = RM950. See, they spend about RM950 only on making it possible for us to perform. They deserve a recognition for this, not us.
How's the dinner's going? Perfectly well, I might say. Their theme for the night was 'The Shades of White'. Maybe because of the presence of the director of INTEC and not to forget, the Vice Director of Students affair, the ALM students were dressed up in a perfect conduct. Not to mention their ethics and mannerism, which is for me, is highly applausible. Well, at least nobody, and I really mean nobody wears anything too 'revealing'. There's even one person who I noticed was wearing a 'purdah', if I was not mistaken, the piece of cloth that women use to cover their mouth. Well, 'The Shades of White' really shown the purity of those future doctors. Congratulations, guys.
p/s: ADFPians, let's learn something from them and make our next dinner better. (^_^)

Saturday - Rockaway '09, The Free Rock Concert
Having been fully worn out from the last night performance, I woke up late. Somewhere around 11 o'clock in the morning, I woke up hearing the voice of Wak and Aly. DAMN! I'm late for the concert! Aly was not even bother to wake me up when he come to my room. So I rushed to the bathroom and get ready for the concert that will ease my 'addiction' to music.
Let's go, guys. So Aly, Zamy and I went to the bus station and take a cab to the KTM Station. While we have arrived at the station, Wahi and the others were still waiting for a cab. Girls, typically girls.
So here we are, at the KL Sentral PUTRA LRT station. Then the train came by and we get on board. Somehow, somebody remembered something. We were supposed to wait for Aqilah at the KL Sentral Station but we have already left her. No matter what, the journey goes on...
At the Rockaway Entrance. Now that's the crowd that I've been talking about. Once the gate was opened, those guys rushed into the place, while we were just looking from a distance. When things get a little unpacked, we went into the venue. First thing first, grab our free stuff! Those guys were really uncivilised, I get to feel the real feeling being a part of the moshing crowd who never think about anyone else but themselves. It was really a new experience. At least, I got my free bag and stuff at last.
Now to the concert. You know what a free concert will be like. Everyone from all sorts of ages and appearance will be around you. you don't know them, and you don't want to know them, but they all sing the same tunes with you. It's how MUSIC UNITES PEOPLE. Quite a good lineup. And COUPLE and BUNKFACE had came out with a terrrific setlist. Nice go.

Sunday - Glendale Reunion at Bukit Cerakah
Now here's a perfect reunion. I don't know about others, but I enjoyed this a lot. Thanks, guys!
penat menulis. nnti sambung. (^_^)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I know somebody...

Aku kenal seseorang.
Dia malas belajar walaupun x pandai sgt.

Aku kenal seseorang.
Yang sgt2 suke bangun lewat. Bukan setakat weekend. Weekdays pon.

Aku kenal seseorang.
Yang suke tinggal solat. Subuh hari2 lewat. X pon x wat terus.

Aku kenal seseorang.
Yang x pernah nak berfikir sebelum bercakap.

Aku kenal seseorang.
Yang 24 jam berfikir/bercakap pasal awek dia. (ak x jeles pon r...)

Aku kenal seseorang.
Yang fanatik dengan muzik. Tapi bukan hebat sangat pon.

Aku kenal seseorang.
Yang malas basuh baju, kemas meja/ katil. Life mmg x organize.

Aku kenal seseorang.
Yg kuat main ngan tgok movie. Pastu malam test/kuiz cuak x tentu pasal.

Aku harap org ni berubah. Hidup kau baru nak start. Jgn rasa selesa sgt. Berubahlah.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


Misi : Teman Seha beli handbag. Walaupun byk agenda tersembunyi.
Waktu : 11 pagi - 7 malam.
Siapa : Seha, Zerot, Wak, Zul, Syaza, Syahmi (Alip tanak ikot)
10 a.m. : Tggu dak2 pompuan ney. Bosan. Pusing satu sunway.

1 p.m. : akhirnya dorg smpai gak. lapar. terus mencari tempat mkn.
2 p.m. : terjumpa pizza hut. menunggu meja. kmi sesat mencari surau.
3. p.m : menjejaki handbag seha. akhirnya kecewa krna x ketemu (mungkin sdh habis).

Tinggalkn mereka. temankn cik syaza mencari selipar. juga kecewa. lupa kedudukan kedai.
3 sumting: bertemu mereka semula. bersetuju utk ke arked.
4 p.m.: berada di arked. berlumba kereta dengan seha, zul. keputusan seperti di bawah.
1st: Seha
2nd: Syahmi
3rd: Zul

bermain percussion. mmg xde bakat main drum. 

cik syaza hebat main lompat2. kne practice lebih pasni.

seha mmg seorg mafia. tidak dapat diragui lagi.

oh, seha dan zerot main lompat2 x aci. markah x valid. lembu je kaki 4 mcm korg taw.

4 sumting: seha mempromosikn marshmallow dicelup dgn coklat. bersetuju utk mencuba.

berkongsi strawberry + marshmallow + pisang/anggur celup coklat. sgt seronok + kelakar.
5 p.m. : bergerak gerak. bosan kembali. ingin pulang.
6 p.m : tiba di shah alam. bergerak ke seksyen 2.
7 p.m : dinner. bsame junior2 dari asis yg terserempak di dlm bas.
8 p.m : tiba di cendana. penat tetapi sronok.
esok ade kuiz. sgt2 x sdp ati. mcm disaster lagi. da blajar byk. maybe x berkat. aishh.. 
RISAU2................ (+_+)

Thursday, June 4, 2009


i saw the blue uniform this afternoon.

maybe those are the nurse assigned for practical at the near Columbia.

the same blue blouse. the same scarf. shit.

venue: classic hero, sec 17.

time: lunch with alip+yameen+wak+aje

mood: thinking of you - katy perry


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