Ego Manusia, Bukan Ego Lelaki

Okay kali ni aku nak komen pasal masalah rumah tangga.

Like, what the hell kan.

Hidup aku ni memang bergelumang dengan manusia-manusia ego tahap kritikal. Sama je. Lelaki dengan perempuan. True story.

Latest case, ada besfren aku get off the relationship sebab ego. Aku dah cakap! Love must be unconditional! Ni la dia manusia yang taknak dengar cakap aku (hehe, bajet aku hebat la pulak kan). Jangan bagi syarat untuk satu-satu relationship tu. Kalau kau serius la kan. And so far yang aku faham, kes kau ni kawan, si lelaki tu memang nak mencari alasan untuk ditch kau. So it's good that you know now. Reality's hurts. Every single time.

Apa kejadah kau letak syarat-syarat pulak ni. Tu belum kahwin lagi, nanti dah kahwin macam-macam lagi la. "I need my cup of coffee ready every morning, finely grind, black and thick, with two spoon of sugar and one spoon of creamer, with a couple of wheat bread and a morning newspaper on the table. Oh, and I need the coffee to be in a cup, I repeat, and not in a mug or glass or anything else. Got that? Or else I'll ditch you." LOL?

This is not a case of chauvinism. Kita bercakap pasal kesefahaman dalam relationship. Aku pernah jugak cakap pasal acceptance kan? Terima la. Kalau kau betul-betul sayang la kan. Kenapa nak letak syarat? Kalau ada apa-apa yang kau tak suka pasal dia, kau ubah waktu dah kahwin nanti. Sekarang? Jangan mengharap kat something yang belum pasti, bro. Nanti kau menyesal.

Back to the main point. Ego. Semua orang pun ada ego. Beza dia tahap tinggi dengan rendah je. Lepas tu camne kau control ego kau tu. Mungkin ada orang yang boleh kontrol ego dengan gefren, tapi tak boleh control bila dengan member. In either way, kau tak boleh sorok ego kau tu. Even aku sendiri pun ada ego. Tapi so far aku supress ego aku tu untuk benefit semua orang. Susah, tapi tak mustahil.

Ego comes from the feeling of superiority and inferiority. Bukan senang nak baik dengan semua orang. Tapi teramatlah mudah nak buat hal atau masalah dengan orang lain. Kenapa weh? Aku still tak faham sampai sekarang kenapa orang nak ada masalah dengan orang lain. Tak boleh ke kita hidup dengan aman dan damai? I mean, kalau ada orang tak suka aku pun, aku suka je semua orang. Aku taknak fikir pun kalau ada orang tak suka aku ke apa kan? Bukan hal aku. Yang penting aku handle semua orang sama. Aku taknak ada masalah dengan kawan-kawan aku just simple out of ego. Kau tak boleh hidup dengan ego macam tu. Kau kena ada rasa nak mengalah. Kau kena ada rasa bertolak ansur sikit. Give and take.

Aku ada ramai kawan, tapi aku lagi suka refer kawan-kawan aku ni just sebagai acquaintances. Cuma ada beberapa orang je kawan aku yang aku rasa layak digelar friends. Aku bezakan acquaintances dengan friends. Korang pun patut buat macam tu. Just saying.

Once my friends get hurt, I'll be mad. Now for the second time, you hurt her again, I'm seriously pissed off. She's better off without you now. She will be. I don't know you, but I'm sure as hell do hate you.

I've been listening to her ranting for years. And the more I learned, the more I feel her. You go be ungrateful somewhere else.

Urghhh. Manusia dan ego. Wanita dan emosi. Funny as hell.

111111 - A Note to Life

My head hurts.

My eyes. They hurts too.
Bulging out my skull in some way. Feels like it's gonna bleed.

My mouth is dry. My face is numb.
Fucked up and spun out in my room.

Feels like a tornado in my heart. Like the crystal ball with fake snows in it been tossed around.
My spine is crooked. My left leg is killing me. Muscular inflammation, I guess. Too much skating around.

But really, I am so physically and mentally weared out.

Maybe I will try to take a nap and wish for a better tomorrow.

I can try.

All these toiling for better future is suddenly making me tired. It's the damned thing. I'm really getting snoozy here.

My head feels, like, thick, you know? It's really hard to focus.

But seriously, life, can we take a break for just a little bit? Take five, or something?

I'd really appreciate it.

You guys just keep doing what you're doing okay. Been a wonderful thing knowing all of you. Keep up the good work okay.

Great.

Just give me a second or two to catch my breath.

I'm going to lie back down.

Wake me up when it's over.

Love is Nothing But Physical

So apparently I have gone through two relationship in the last nine years of my life, which I must insist is true love.


And still, I would say moving on for me is not an option, but a gift that I have yet to receive. A friend of mine maintained her own opinion; that love is only physical and true love does not exist. Last night, I spent a few hours discussing with someone with credibility on the topic "What is Love?". Here is my transcription.

So what is love?


Let's us first define the scope of love, in what context does it work, and in what terms are we discussing right here. Well of course, there is love for the parents, love for the family and love for friends. And of course, we would mostly talk about the relationship between a guy and a girl when talking about love. The question is, how do you feel love? How would you describe love? How do you know when you are in love? You might as well be in love with your best friend and yet you just don't know it.


Firstly, love is unconditional. You love someone without any condition. What conditions are we talking about? Here is an example. I will love this particular girl only if she loves my mom. I will love this girl just as long as she don't know about my smoking habit. Got it? There is no condition on true love. We will love them as we are, as they are.


Your girlfriend is coming to your place tonight. You left your clothes where they are; on your chair and on your bed. I'm not implying this as getting naked but there's nothing to hide from your true love. Believe it or not, you are most comfortable when you are with your girlfriend compared to your friends. You don't mind your special partner to see you all messed up during a hard, stressful weekend, and as for the girl, you won't mind your man to see you without makeups. You might as well prove to them that girls doesn't really farts rainbows as what we all had in mind. Now, what is that called? Yes, unconditional.

"So that means I'm in love with a lot of people, because I was comfortable, and unconditional with a lot of people, as for me, girls."

We will answer that question as we go further into this discussion.


Moving to the second part, love is unrewarding. What I mean here is, that, we don't expect anything from him/her. We love her from the first part, which is unconditional, and we don't expect him or her to love us back. We should not even expect marriage from her when we love her truly. This is the best part of it, when you love someone, you don't expect her to love you back and you don't expect her to treat you right. If she does, loves you back, and if it is true love, then it is a bonus for you. Be grateful then, you are the 1%! Importantly, you should not demand anything from the person you love.

"As for me, love is only physical. Well, you love someone for his or her looks, to get on her pants or anything such. You are lying if you don't love someone for her beauty. Everybody loves beautiful things."

This is so untrue. You might LIKE someone for her beauty, you might ADORE someone for her interesting character, you might WORSHIP someone for her wisdom, but you can only LOVE someone for being her.

"So love is acceptance, right?"

Wrong. Friendship is acceptance, but not love. Acceptance, or in Malay/Arabic is "redha" in this context, is more towards friendship. Acceptance in love is much more stronger that that, more that you would ever imagine. In true love, you don't just accept, but you are satisfied, devoted. You highly value that very person. That, my friends, is true love. Love is a feeling, and acceptance does not go under that category.

"Now, that you say love is a feeling, how do we feel love?"

This is a redundant question which have been answered. Back to what I've mentioned before, when you love someone, you don't put conditions and expectations, and you accept him or her as who they are. You won't change a thing about them.

"So you're saying, when you love someone, you just know it? That is not strong enough. Not convincing at all."

Not strong enough for empirical people, but strong enough for spiritual people. If you want to know what love looks like, and not what love feels like, you won't find it here. Those physical lover should analyze love from emotional perspectives. If you failed to do even that, means you are one hedonistic brat who yet to feel loved.


This is the extract from a discussion of me, and Mrs. Azzah Anuar, a graduate student pursuing her PhD at Michigan State University. All credit goes to her, I resorted.

Well, now it is all said and done, good luck finding your true love!


p/s: believe me, true love does EXISTS.


Salam alaik~


=)