Last Glance to the Spring...

The past few months are extremely exhausting to me. I never though that I will be strong enough for all that happened. 

My grandfather's stroke attack, my brother's myterious disease, my significant other who will never understand, my financial problems, my bad mid term results, my headache, some problems with the band and countless assignments and presentation.

I really need a perfect getaway. So guys and girls in Eugene, be prepared cause I think I'm gonna lose some part of myself in our PD trip.

I don't know.

Maybe I'll just go crazy.

Maybe I just leave in haste.

Or maybe I'll just stare and stay silent.

Who knows what will happen?

Maybe I'll have the truth undiscovered.

Maybe the trip will unite those who were meant for each other.

Maybe this trip will make me forget about her (at least for a while).

Maybe I'll just go dumb and act like a punk, how I used to be a few years ago (God, I miss the time).

Maybe I'll put some vinegar in the sugar solution and serve it to those I hated.

Maybe I'll go somewhere (where no one can find me) and try to find myself.

Maybe I'll just stay among the rocks and act like nobody can see me.

Maybe I'll just strum my guitar alone and sing melancholic melodies.

 Maybe I'll go over to see someone and unravel all that I don't care about.

Maybe I'll just mutter alone and hope that nobody could hear me by all means.

Maybe I will go back home in despair.

Maybe the trip will not change anything.

Maybe I'll depressed again.

Maybe there will be no one noticing me.

Maybe they will do it fine even without me.

Well, I don't care.

I don't mind.

If some punks were to face me and say bullshit.

I'll just make them regret that.

I'm not a scholarly writer.

I hate being formal, as a matter of fact.

But I were born as a fighter.

And as a fighter I will die.

I don't have great intelligence.

And I don't have remarkable looks.

But I have faith in my heart.

Typical.

People used to see the outer view of someone.

Deceiving physical looks.

DECEIVING.

I don't know. Maybe it's just a human nature.

Or it we just no longer care of what embedded inside.

Sometimes the truth are something that we're afraid of.

THE TRUTH.

When we keep the lies living in our heart.

It keep blackened, hid under the shadow of ego.

My mother called me yesterday.

I miss my family so much.

One of my cousin are dying of HIV.

I hope I could see him before he died.

I hope he will die in faith. For the sins are unbearable.

How drugs can be an ultimate murderer.

It takes away everything from you.

I wonder what will happen to his family.

His wife and his daughter. It would be a disgrace.

Currently listening to Nirvana. Kurt Cobain once said, "I'm a product of spoiled America."

I'm disturbed.

DISTURBED.

Then Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day said, "Nobody likes you. Everyone left you. They're all out without you, having fun."

I'm extremely disturbed.

EXTREMELY DISTURBED.

One last thing to say.

Is she arrogant, or just playing hard to get?

Some people deserve a better life than a mere, frustrating false hopes.

Beware, those who like to give false hopes.

You are likely to kill someone in the near future.

spoiler: this post is filled with countless figurative meanings. it's a literature masterpiece.