"Malaysia; an Islamic country famous for one of its leader who were convicted with sodomy."
We are not here only to study; we're here for soft-skill building. And one of it comes back to how you valued the place you were born. We're not here to go to classes, do assignment and pass exams with moderately excellent grades. We're here to learn to do things all by ourselves, boost our confidence and most importantly, take lessons from this first-world country to bring back to Malaysia and improve our own beloved nation.
Being in the United States, we should not ignored our nation's politics, (yeah I can say, if you're ignorant of those issues even when you're in Malaysia, why should you be nosing around about them once you're out of the country?). Put some confidence in the nations leadership, because you guys, (especially those who were sponsored by the PSD) will be coming home one day, and serve the nation. I prefer to say that we will serve the nation, serve the country, and not the government. That is my way of thinking. Berkhidmat untuk negara, bukan untuk kerajaan. Whoever ruled is not important, what's important is how you served the nation, what have you done for it so far, and how patriotic you are. Stop condemning the leaders when you don't know anything about leading a nation.
So my point here is not about politics, but what I have learned so far from my experience here in a foreign land. Am I Americanized? Have I forgot the culture of my own country? Have I been indulged in so much freedom and pleasures that I have forgotten about where I come from?
First lets talk about the culture. I'm sitting in a Law Building campus, eating M&M and wearing a fluffy coat with a bunch of Americans all around me. I eat bread with some cereals this morning. Am I Americanized enough? No I'm not. Soon I'll be wearing a boot with leather jacket, a Bose headphone and sunglasses, a Converse shoe and a scarf around my neck. Well lets just hope I'm talking shits right now.
Last Friday, I wore a baju Melayu to classes. Talking about attire, I'd like to quote from my ESL lecturer, Beth; "Americans are stupid. That's why we sometimes see some students go to class in their pajamas." You sure got it all right Beth, that's something we would never do back in our country. Sometimes, you shouldn't have to think too much for how the way you look. I imagined myself somewhere in the near future, I will be driving a half-million Audi A5 Coupe in my sarong and a kopiah on my head to the surau. That's how you should look, however you love yourself.
Courtesy. Americans are far more courteous (as I see it now, so far) than we Malaysians. They're far more friendly too. What did we called our country? A melting pot? Rojak? Well the States is far more than a melting pot to me, especially when you are studying at a university where almost half of it's students are international students. We did speak accented English, but still, it is English and everybody can understand it. Put a note on your mind to put away all our differences and lets work as one, for Malaysia. Comes to my lab partners, Alex Liang and Nicholas LaMarco. Both of them were American citizens, however Alex, originated from China. How courteous are they? Well that depends on how you define courtesy for an American citizen who you met just once a week in your Physics laboratory session. Alex is from New York city, yes, he's a big city boy, and Nick is just from around Buffalo. They were both older than me, but we worked together pretty well.
The problem when you were in an enormous college like UB, you will not be able to came across the same people for times. Everyday, there's always a new face you will meet by the Promenade, by the Sidewalk, at the couch on the 3rd floor of Capen Hall, where I always slept in emergency times, and everywhere on campus. Oh man, how I hate the library here. Too many libraries, and each library is so big you can even get lost in it (if you're coming for the first time, of course).
Guess what, the weather's getting awful. It can get to -5 degree Celcius on a chilly and breezy night,and I hate it the most when it's raining. It funny though, because I used to love the rain so much back in Malaysia. Fuck it. I guess it's true when they say that the winter in Buffalo is murder.
Hey, finally, I'm happy again with my life. Moving on is not an option, but it is a gift that I have just received. No, not gay and won't ever be gay no more. Don't get me wrong, I not even gay after all this while. I don't mind if they were making up again with their ex, or getting engaged and married next year, or whatsoever. This is my life and I should not bother looking to the past and be saddened again. Oh my, how hard it is explaining how you feel about things.
Define happiness. It's not the way you see it from others, it is the way you feel about it. Lets get free.
One day, I'll get back to where I belong all this time, Malaysia. I'll be together again with my family, my friends and love whose awaits. I can't wait for that day to come, but I'm sure it finally will.
Conclusion: Be yourself. Love your country, no matter where you are. Lets be a small-deaf frog. Lets make it to the top. Lets make our country proud. Lets make all the hard works counts.
With big scholarship, comes big responsibilty.