Thursday, July 29, 2010

Love: It's Complicated.

To my once, but-no-longer-a-numero-uno,

Once upon a time, I embraced the power of love, looked high on faith and trust. I used to be left alone with nothing but faith in my heart.

Somehow, this trust I've put on for such a long time is betrayed. Fate won't bring me any harm, not physically nor to my emotion. But this time, I put the blame on myself. Things have been really unfair to me.


Time got wasted, feeling's got hurt, money got spent, sweats for nothing. It's a vast space of unfairness. Something I used to believe in is no longer alive. They'd died with the memory we had. Every inch of this place reminds me of you. Hell, I really wanted to leave this place. May I find new hope and leave our memories here with you.

I've once said, our love is past, now and forever. But you've betrayed it. It's your fault! All of you! All of you scumbags were just playing out your little experiment on a cheap bastard like me. Fun isn't it? It's a hope that I've put in faith for a long time. If I know a little sooner that things will turn out to be like this, I will find a way to put you far off MY path. Far off.

But it's just me isn't it? I wasn't bright enough to discover your little game here right fellas? I was just too stupiD to find out all by myself?

It's not right. It's really not right. One day you will have what you deserve.
You girls gave me a new definition of LOVE. Of FAITH. Of TRUST.
What comes around goes around. We'll see.

To my best friends,

It's been some time. I think I have found a bunch of buddies that I'll die for. Even if I couldn't make it further, it'll be much of a blessing for me to meet you. To even know you. To know there's some wonderful people does exist. I won't be this strong if I don't have you. Yeah, you all were quite a nuisance sometimes, but at least you got me smiling in the end.

It's been hard, you know, for me with my life. It's not easy to move on, and don't worry, I won't get hooked up with one of my besties, except, you know, only when the situation demanded. No offense, but you guys will be my last choice *peace*. You people have been a great help since the first time I met all of you.

Through thick and thin, we'll strive. We'll laugh together, about old times, when we were young and beautiful and handsome. We'll meet again one time in the future, and none of us have changed. We stay the same because we know we love each other for what we was now.

Life's been tough on me. On you. On all of us. Come on, you didn't have to act much to give that away. I'm a good actor myself isn't it? I promise you this, and this is what will bring us together again sometime. Here's a love for you, my friends. No matter if you a girl or a guy, or whatever gender you might say you are, I love you guys. Until the world falls apart (I wonder if I could make it out until then?)

For my open, garrulous and un-protocol-ized family,

There's no word to describe you guys. I don't know about their families, but they often said, "You talked that way to your mom?", "You stayed up late until 2 a.m. talking with your family?", "Is that how you talk to your grandfather?". Yeah, I guess the moms of others won't threaten to strip their son off if their son won't wake up early (hey, that worked well on me mom, good job). The dads of others won't take his son who'll went oversea to sell scrap metals, so they can find some money to buy their son a new luggage. They won't also take thier son to follow them to catch and sell chickens, to find some money to celebrate their son.

"Oh my, for the sake of screaming out loud, mom, can you give us some privacy here?" Hey, I never brought even one girl back home. Hey blowfish, you should be proud of yourself. This house is a fortress of male domination forces. Well done girl. Oh, sorry if my mom talked too much, I've get used to it. Soon enough, she'll be sermoning me through Skype. Gonna miss you mom.
Ooppss. And everybody too.

But the true love is up there. Whatever that you believed in, He's there. He'd been looking out for me for a long time, 20 years ever since I was born. He deserved the true love hidden in your heart.

Guys, I have a dream. A dream of her. I chased her from behind on an empty alleyway, and called out for her. She reached back her hand, but she never turned back her face. Well, I should have known that she will never turn her face to someone like me.

You know what I really looking forward to in the US? Not Woodstock, not concerts, not the beaches, not the parties.
I looked forward to waking up in a beautiful morning. Perform my prayers, read my verses, my heart was as wide as the sky (as it once have been), I'm so grateful with my life I almost cried. Then I will have a cup of hard coffee, while taking a stroll along the road. Meeting people, people who I never know before. Talked about politics, life and how difficult it might be. I might not have a love that as special as you might define, but I have enough love for myself.
To smell the rain on the asphalt, to feel cold breeze kissing my neck, giving me goosebumps. To have wonderful friends around me. It's the time of my life.

I wish that day will finally come.

The day when I will once again be full of love.



hananchiwi said...

aku ja pesan aku. kat US tu,
dun do sex.


alay! said...

satu ja pesan aku. kat us tu,
dun drink n drive.


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