Love: It's Complicated.

To my once, but-no-longer-a-numero-uno,

Once upon a time, I embraced the power of love, looked high on faith and trust. I used to be left alone with nothing but faith in my heart.

Somehow, this trust I've put on for such a long time is betrayed. Fate won't bring me any harm, not physically nor to my emotion. But this time, I put the blame on myself. Things have been really unfair to me.

Damn, IT'S UNFAIR!

Time got wasted, feeling's got hurt, money got spent, sweats for nothing. It's a vast space of unfairness. Something I used to believe in is no longer alive. They'd died with the memory we had. Every inch of this place reminds me of you. Hell, I really wanted to leave this place. May I find new hope and leave our memories here with you.

I've once said, our love is past, now and forever. But you've betrayed it. It's your fault! All of you! All of you scumbags were just playing out your little experiment on a cheap bastard like me. Fun isn't it? It's a hope that I've put in faith for a long time. If I know a little sooner that things will turn out to be like this, I will find a way to put you far off MY path. Far off.

But it's just me isn't it? I wasn't bright enough to discover your little game here right fellas? I was just too stupiD to find out all by myself?

It's not right. It's really not right. One day you will have what you deserve.
You girls gave me a new definition of LOVE. Of FAITH. Of TRUST.
What comes around goes around. We'll see.

To my best friends,

It's been some time. I think I have found a bunch of buddies that I'll die for. Even if I couldn't make it further, it'll be much of a blessing for me to meet you. To even know you. To know there's some wonderful people does exist. I won't be this strong if I don't have you. Yeah, you all were quite a nuisance sometimes, but at least you got me smiling in the end.

It's been hard, you know, for me with my life. It's not easy to move on, and don't worry, I won't get hooked up with one of my besties, except, you know, only when the situation demanded. No offense, but you guys will be my last choice *peace*. You people have been a great help since the first time I met all of you.

Through thick and thin, we'll strive. We'll laugh together, about old times, when we were young and beautiful and handsome. We'll meet again one time in the future, and none of us have changed. We stay the same because we know we love each other for what we was now.

Life's been tough on me. On you. On all of us. Come on, you didn't have to act much to give that away. I'm a good actor myself isn't it? I promise you this, and this is what will bring us together again sometime. Here's a love for you, my friends. No matter if you a girl or a guy, or whatever gender you might say you are, I love you guys. Until the world falls apart (I wonder if I could make it out until then?)

For my open, garrulous and un-protocol-ized family,

There's no word to describe you guys. I don't know about their families, but they often said, "You talked that way to your mom?", "You stayed up late until 2 a.m. talking with your family?", "Is that how you talk to your grandfather?". Yeah, I guess the moms of others won't threaten to strip their son off if their son won't wake up early (hey, that worked well on me mom, good job). The dads of others won't take his son who'll went oversea to sell scrap metals, so they can find some money to buy their son a new luggage. They won't also take thier son to follow them to catch and sell chickens, to find some money to celebrate their son.

"Oh my, for the sake of screaming out loud, mom, can you give us some privacy here?" Hey, I never brought even one girl back home. Hey blowfish, you should be proud of yourself. This house is a fortress of male domination forces. Well done girl. Oh, sorry if my mom talked too much, I've get used to it. Soon enough, she'll be sermoning me through Skype. Gonna miss you mom.
Ooppss. And everybody too.

But the true love is up there. Whatever that you believed in, He's there. He'd been looking out for me for a long time, 20 years ever since I was born. He deserved the true love hidden in your heart.

Mazleela Cakap Tabah

Mak sangat suka lagu ni. Aku pun sama. Kuat kan aku?

Dah kurang sebulan lagi masa utk aku tinggalkan Malaysia. Bertolak ke tanah kebebasan. The Land of Freedom.

Sewaktu potato plight di Ireland, ramai yang berhijrah ke Amerika untuk menyelamatkan diri dari kebuluran.
Sewaktu holocaust di Russia dan Poland pun, ramai Yahudi yang ke Amerika untuk menyelamatkan diri.

Dan aku takkan pergi dengan tangan kosong. Aku pikul tanggungjawab besar atas bahu aku. Aku bawak memori dan pengalaman. Banyak yang aku dah cuba buat utk bantu keluarga. Aku pernah jadi kelindan lori, kerja kedai perabot, jual air, jual kuih raya, cari besi buruk, jual kelapa tua, tolong abah bela ayam. Tapi usaha kali ni lah yang paling besar.

Hey syahmi. Cabaran ni bukan senang.

kau rasa susah.

dan kau akan hargai senang.

kau pernah jauh.

dan no problem utk kau pergi lagi jauh.

satu masa nanti, kita satu keluarga akan duduk sama sama, bercerita pasal masa susah ni, gelak2 sampai keluar air mata. tak percaya? tengok lah nanti.

=)

p/s: syahmi yem. cheap bastard. yeah right whatever