Friday, March 6, 2009

Sorry, but I have to REFUSE...

I know I should not be posting anything personal here.
But who cares?
To those who don't know anything, please shut the fuck up.
To those who know even a little about this, please shut the fuck up.
I was so damned miserable right now. She say she hates me. I hates myself even more.
Why did she wants it? Cause she mentioned it again.
She wanted it, but still, I refuse. Listen, dear. I will never let you go.
Even if you're demanding it.
Why?
She don't have faith in me  anymore. What's the use of a relationship without trust?
We've been together for so long, and whenever someone asked me how I could keep up this relationship for so long, I will just answer; it's all about trust.
But she don't trust me anymore.
Am I the one to blame? Am I???????
If she was reading this, I want her to know.
I was ashamed to my friends. If I was not loyal to you, I will never tell my friends about this girl who I cared about so much. But I boasted about you and our lengthy relationship to my friends. I even remember my previous lecturer, Ms. Azima being amazed when I mentioned how long we're holding on. She congratulate me. And now you wants a break up, and I feel like a fool. An IDIOT. Last night, when I went out with some friends, they asked me about you. All I can do is just smile. "Jaket ni awek ko je yg boleh pakai kn Syahmi?" My ears buzzed. My head was about to blow. I stay silent and walked away. 
The girl once I boasted now letting me down.
Shit.
THANKS, dear, for wasting my last 6 years for you. It's my own mistake. For being too devoted to you. For being a fanatic to this girl who finally tell me how much she HATED me. Why can't you just believe me? If I'm telling you I'm busy, then I am! A couple should not always be calling each other all the time, don't you understand? I have my list of priorities, and you know what's my priorities! You should respect and understand my own responsibilities. If even now you have made it this way, I can't imagine how we can live together. No, I won't throw your pictures away. It will stay in my wallet besides my picture. It will stay in my Twilight as a bookmark. It will stay as my laptop wallpaper. It will remain as my phone's screensaver. It will still be my User Photo. It will stay in my Friendster album. I will still call you my numero uno. I will still mentions you as my significant others. I will still post your pictures in my blog. 
Even if you hates me.
Even if you say it's over.
I won't allow it. 
I'll never let you go.
I've told you this before, and I want to say it again.
Nor death do us apart.
Nor DEATH do us apart.
DEATH.


16 comments:

mademoiselle ashee said...

syahmi,
hmm i don't know what are proper words to say..
but maybe,
she's not the best for you..
just let her go..
one day if she's yours,
both of u can be together..right?:)
i know it's really hard to accept the fact..
but be strong,
let it go naturally,
the one who loves us will understand,
no matter how busy we are,
its not the matter of always calling or messaging,,
ya it is true when we love someone it hard to let it go,
but keep in mind there is something better waiting for you..k..
wa ashi menjd jiwang tbe2..haha

ct.mashitah said...

love comes and goes. sounds kijam, i knoe.. but that's that la.
stay strong syahmi... that's all i cn say.

weeeehoooooooooo! said...

hmm...
diz mb kinda odd but..
dun u ever let her fade away in your soul..
it's ok if she hates u bt da thing is..
u l**e her rite??
so mb u should giv her some spece and when she knew hw hard it is to liv without u,da 1st thing dat wil cross in her mind is U!!
bt if it turns out different..
hmmm...
love is something about letting go if u noe dat she's ok wif it and happy..
i noe if she's happy,u're happier than her ryte??
bt then i'm nt gud in this thingy..
so..
en.syahmi..
igtlah..
semakin beriman..
semakin byk dugaan..

weeeehoooooooooo! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Syahmi Yem said...

just can accept the fact that she's gone. she's gone. my love dies. i dies. been sleeping for a lengthy hours. feel like never wanted to wake up. luckily wahid wake me up. it's almost nine pm. life's hell. i'm wasted. shit. shit. shit.

aisya said...

these things happen. mmg ssh nk let go.

prnah x dgr ni..

bygkan tgn kte pegang sand. lgi kte genggam kuat2 tgn kte utk jga sand tu. lgi sand yg remains kt tgn kte smakin sket.

it's better for u to let go. kalau die mmg ditakdirkan for u, soon, she'll come back to u. okey?

mmg susah nk trime knyataan. tpi bnde2 mcm ni yg mematangkan kte. :)

ana said...

dun be so sad
i know how u feel when lost the one you loved
we're in the same shoes

but..
eugeneans will stay besides you
no matter what happen we will support u
ape la gunenye kwn

ana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
coco said...

wah syahmi..im speechless dude..b strong my fren..if ada jodoh, ada lah..n klu xda, just let her go..u might found sum1 better la kwn =) stay cool n b strong~

FaRHaN SyAHiR said...

cheer up...

Syahmi Yem said...

Last night, I was googling on the net, doing some research. Some concerned friend look at what I'm googling about. It reads FACTORS AND METHODS OF COMMITTING SUICIDE. He stared at me and chided me. Haha. He thought I was about to commit suicide. Well, pal, it was the topic for my CT Forum, suicide. And my part was the FACTORS AND METHODS OF COMMITTING SUICIDE. Never worry dude. I'm getting better.
;)

asnida hani said...

CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

faux fay said...

syahmi....
kalo ad jdoh x kemana..
chill.. ;))

ninai said...

laaa syamieee cdh nyee.
uhuhuh..i'm juz read ur entry todayy..
dun worry k!! juz believe there must be some1 whom much2x more better are waitng 4 u..
chilll dude..
hehehe.....

ALeEn AziZ said...

syahmi kuat!!!!

ryhaann said...

kau pikir pompuan ni mcm kau pancing ikan laa. once kau dah dpt, mmg kau taknak lepas kan? tapi kalau kau tarik tali pancing kau kuat sgt, ikan tu sakit. dan kalau kau dpt ikan tu pun, dia akan mati. tapi kalau kau biar je dia, misti dia lari. so kau kena tarik slow2. lama2 dia misti give up sbb letih main tarik2 ngn kau kan? so sabar adalah kunci. walaubagaimanapun, kalau dah takdir ikan tu bukan utk kau, lepaskan je lah. mungkin ikan tu terlalu kecik utk di makan. jadi lebih sesuai dilepaskan kembali.

cheers dude! life has so much to offer. plus, we are just 19! :)

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